salt in the wound
by kubla2
Summary: a sequel to the cruelest cut..cordano!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer : I don't own these characters. They belong to the series ER.  
  
**This story is a sequel to « The Cruelest Cut »(rated R). If you're brave enough to face the corsett in that one, you'll see that we're moving to a full-on cordano. I just wanted to explore the possibilities...  
  
After washing her face and putting on her robe, Elizabeth went back into the bedroom and knelt by the bed. « Edward, Edward, wake up, » she insisted, shaking his shoulder firmly. As he mumbled a reply, she started handing him his clothes. « Look, » she continued, « you have to leave. »  
  
« Huh ? » he managed.  
  
Elizabeth was now standing across the room with her back to the wall and eyes down cast. « I can't have you here when my daughter wakes up. You should really just go. »  
  
« Early shift anyway, » muttered Dorsett, now fully awake but not even half dressed. She left the room, went downstairs to the sofa and pulled the afghan over her knees. On his way out, he stopped and looked at her. « Elizabeth ? » he asked hesitantly. « Come on, now. I know I wasn't that bad.. » he continued waiting for her to say something. « Alright then, » he replied to the silence, » jingled his carkeys in his pocket, and left her house.  
  
Elizabeth just sat there, knees drawn up under her chin, staring into space. She honestly didn't know what to say to him. She had no idea if he was good, bad or anything else. It was as if everything that had happened that day was a bad dream. The only thing she wanted to believe was what she had dreamt about Robert, about his touch, his kiss.  
  
She let a ragged sigh escape her lips and hugged her knees tighter. « No ! » She exclaimed. No thoughts of Robert or Dorsett or any man. She was still grieving for Mark, still figuring out how to raise her daughter on her own and how to run the surgical department in Robert's absence. She had no time for anyone but herself and her child, she thought emphatically. Springing up, she strode into Ella's room, ready to do something, anything, to put her life as a mother first and to push her life as a woman somewhere far down the list. But Ella was breathing evenly, curled into a sweet blond ball under her blanket, and Elizabeth was left with nothing to do but go back to her room, to strip the sheets from the bed and to lie alone on the bare mattress, sleepless until morning.  
  
*  
  
Robert lay awake looking at the ceiling. He felt numb and grateful for the numbness, for the still half-drugged state that kept him from fully realizing what had just happened and all that he had just lost. A nurse entered, checked his chart and left, but since his eyes were only half open, she hadn't bothered to speak to him at all. Or perhaps she was afraid to. Not knowing what he'd say, how he would act. Afraid of the awful, bitter bile that he might spit onto anyone who dared to express their sympathy.  
  
The door to the hall was left slightly ajar, and Robert heard the muffled comings and goings of the doctors on the surgical floor. His colleagues. His former colleagues. Then Gunn's voice. Robert steeled himself for the first confrontation with his doctor after the surgery, for the first post- op examination, the first admission that it was all over. But Gunn didn't enter immediately. He was talking to someone, laughing. « That cute candy striper ? » he was asking with a chuckle. « Not even close, »replied the other voice. « A scrub nurse ? » « You're getting warmer » the second voice bragged, « but I'm now beyond nurses, » he assured triumphantly. After a silence, Gunn's voice resumed more quietly, « Dorsett, watch yourself. »  
  
Robert tried to sleep through Gunn's exam, barely acknowledging the surgeon's prods, barely nodding at his words. His eyes half-closed, he kept thinking about the conversation he had overheard. Dorsett was making the rounds of County's single scene, to the entertainment of everyone. He was annoying but amusing enough, and both he and the lady du jour seemed to laugh along with the jokes about them. Why would Gunn sound so shocked about his most recent escapade ? Hospital gossip ! thought Robert. A welcome distraction even if he would never admit it. 


	2. ch 2

As Elizabeth opened her locker to get out her lab coat, she heard someone enter the lounge. To her relief, it was just Gunn who greeted her with a rather terse « Good morning. » Moments after, Kayson entered, grabbed some coffee from the pot and greeted the others, asking brightly, « So how's our star patient ? »  
  
When Elizabeth didn't answer, Gunn stepped in, « Seems fine. Strangely quiet, though. » Kayson nodded. « I'm no psychiatrist, but that sounds a lot like the first stages of denial. » « Hey, » Gunn objected, « If I even thought about a psych consult, I could kiss my new parking space good- bye. » He paused « Well, actually, there's not much he can do about it anymore, so I might just give psych a call. »  
  
Elizabeth had turned back to her locker, but she was listening intently to the conversation. When she turned around again, Kayson asked, « A second opinion on the matter Dr Corday ? » « I'll just defer to the operating surgeon, » she replied, not looking either man in the eye, not wanting to admit that despite her early arrival she had not yet looked in on Robert.  
  
Fleeing the over-crowded lounge, Elizabeth took a file folder to the cafeteria, hoping to avoid Gunn, Kayson and Dorsett. She found a solitary corner and sat down, noticing the uncommon quiet of the room. When she looked up, 3 nurses were staring at her but then quickly turned back to their conversation. Elizabeth looked down at herself : her top wasn't on backwards, her coat wasn't on inside out, but they certainly had looked her up and down. She shrugged it off and started reading the chart in preparation for her next procedure.  
  
When she had finised making her notes, Elizabeth stretched her back and looked at her watch, about to get up when she stopped to listen to familiar voices coming from the cafeteria line just behind her table. « It was just time, » said Shirley, « It's been a year.» « I know, » Jacy answered, « But him ? » Elizabeth blanched. « Already ? » she thought. « How could the nurses know about her and Dorsett ? » As horrified as she was she knew she just had to ignore it. Gossip was inevitable but thankfully not enduring here. Soon she would be replaced by the next storied conquest. She just had to make it through the next few days.  
  
**  
  
Robert looked over at the drawn curtain, wondering when someone would come in and reopen it. For a former chief of staff, he was receiving minimal attention. A quick visit from Gunn and two nurses. And she had never once come. He remembered Shirley being there and the other doctors, but Elizabeth had been nowhere in sight when he had succombed to the anaesthesia. She was probabaly working a trauma, he thought. And after, she'd let him rest, and after she'd had to go home to Ella, and after she had a complicated procedure to do. He retraced her schedule in his mind, finding an excuse for every free moment when she could have stopped by but hadn't. It's only been 24 hours he reminded himself. But she knew that he needed her. « The one faced I missed seeing in recovery, » he had told her when she had first returned from England after the accident. She knew, he thought, and she's not here.  
  
**  
  
Without counting, Elizabeth knew that she'd walked by his door at least 10 times that day. She was even more aware since everyone else seemed to be giving it a wide berth, not wanting to disturb or embarrass him with their attentions or perhps not wanting to incur his wrath, although according to Gunn he had been unusually calm since the surgery. Each time she thought about going in to see him, to talk, she froze. What would she say ? How could she face him ? What if he knew ? What would he say to her ?  
  
As she sank into a chair in the lounge to think about what she was doing, why she was avoiding him, she slowly realized that she was less afraid of dealing with Robert's physical and even his psychological condition than with all of the unspoken emotions they shared. Well, not totally unspoken she admitted to herself. Granted, he had been heavily drugged, but he had told her so sweetly, so gently, so sincerely that he loved her. And she had immediately thrown herself at another man. She felt sick with guilt. He had been so vulnerable and so honest with her and not just then but that last time in his office when he had literally reached out and she had literally pulled away from him. She had rejected him and betrayed him and now she was abandoning him.  
  
Suddenly her mind flashed to a scene from the same place but from a different time, when she had felt almost this torn, when she had decided that she had to abandon Mark, to cut her losses and look out for herself. Robert had gently but firmly pushed her back to her husband. He had spoken so quietly in so few words, but he had known exactly which words to use to change her mind, to open her eyes, to make her see what she had to do. Despite her tears, he hadn't tried to comfort her. He just listened and then spoke. And it was as if his voice had been coming from inside of her to speak directly to her soul, to remind her to do the one right thing, the one true thing. Robert's belief that she could do no wrong allowed her to believe in herself, in her strength at a moment when she had been tired of being strong.  
  
**  
  
Despite his resolution not to think about her anymore, he couldn't stop following her in his thoughts, imagining her day. Leaving the hospital, taking a deep breath of cool, night air and smiling and shaking her head at the spring that would not start. Looking out of the window of the train on her way home. Taking Ella in her arms at the front door of her house and hugging her so hard. Putting her little girl to bed with a gentle kiss and maybe a lullaby. Putting herself to bed in a moonlit room. And then, without warning, the image surged up in his mind, behind his tightly closed eyelids, of her in bed with Dorsett, laughing in the other man's arms. 


	3. ch 3

Salt 3  
  
This time Elizabeth didn't need him to prompt her. After all, this time he wasn't forcing her to go to someone else but rather waiting quietly for her to come to him, to come home. Finally, she could just go to him. The games were over.  
  
Before, it had always felt like she was proving herself to him, like he was always watching and like she was always keeping him at a distance so that he could have a better view. Now, she didn't want that distance, she wanted them to be close, so close that they could whisper to each other or not speak at all. Just like in surgery where they sometimes did their best work in silence, anticipating each other's moves, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses. Maybe she wouldn't have to say anything. Maybe he would just know how she felt. Maybe the simple gesture of offering herself to him, abandoning her own pride and her own fear would be enough to make up for all of the mistakes..  
  
As she pushed the door of the of his room open, she noticed that it was dark. Closed curtains and no lights except the one or two monitors. His faced was turned away from the door, and she thought that he must be sleeping..  
  
**  
  
Despite his efforts to blink it away, the image of Elizabeth with Edward Dorsett would not leave his mind. He didn't want to believe it, but it was all too true. It was confirmed by the hallway gossip but also by the sheer logic of it. Dorsett was a handsome, capable surgeon, who worked closely with her. They had probably had some tough case - a child, a young father, a terrified senior - that had brought them close and reminded Elizabeth of how much she needed someone to talk to, to be with. She must have been so lonely for so long, thought Robert. And when the tears welled up in his eyes, he was not even crying for himself but rather for her, for her solitude and suffering, for those aches which he had not been able to ease. When he heard his door open, he turned his head away, helpless and unable to hide his feelings. He just hoped that the nurse would assume he was sleeping and go away.  
  
**  
  
The one chair in the room was on the far side of the bed. She tiptoed around to get to it. Before she sat down, she glanced at his face, thinking that she wouldn't mind just sitting for a while, watching him sleep. But his eyes were open and glittering with tears and instead of sitting in the chair, Elizabeth moved immediately to the bed, sitting down gently beside him.  
  
« Oh Robert, » she murmured, « I know it's hard, but it will get easier and. » she trailed off. Stroking his cheek with her hand, she felt tears on his face and suddenly lost her voice. She wanted to lean in and kiss him, take his pain away, but he had pulled back from her touch, albeit belatedly. His voice came stronger than she had expected when he spoke, looking at her unwaveringly, « You should go, Elizabeth. » And when she started to object, he shook his head and said in measured tones, weighing each syllable, « I don't want you here. »  
  
She felt like she had had all of the air vacuumed out of her lungs. She almost gasped. What had he said? Did he mean that ? It was pretty clear, but.. His eyes were closed. He was shutting her out. It had taken so much for her to come to his room, to .. Well, she hadn't said or done anything yet. Nothing she couldn't take back. Her words and gestures thus far hadn't revealed her feelings. She could just get up and go and he'd never know that he'd almost had her.  
  
So she stood up slowly, turned and left. 


	4. ch 4

He didn't turn his head to follow her with his eyes, but when he heard the door softly shut he let out the breath he'd been holding. She'd just believed the biggest lie he'd ever told. While he was forcing his voice to say he didn't want her another voice was screaming in his head : « Stay. Please. Don't leave me ! » But he didn't want her pity and he didn't want her with him when she'd only be thinking about how she could be spending that moment with another man.  
  
**  
  
Elizabeth leaned back against the door and let out her pent up breath in a whooshing sigh. That had been a close one. She had almost made a huge mistake. Robert obviously didn't care for her, he'd just been doped up on medications and talking nonsense. And inresponse, she had almost made some foolish confession of her feelings. What would he have said? Most likely that she should stop throwing herself at bald men with medical problems and get a life. His flirtations of the last five years had just been another way in which Robert had sought to keep her off balance, to maintain his mastery of the situation, of the surgical staff, to use his power - professional, personal - to keep everyone in line.  
  
Elizabeth felt a little dizzy from the events of the last day. Robert's drowsy declaration. Dorsett's fast move on her and her immediate acquiescence and almost just as immediate guilt. Her intense dream about Robert and her equally intense desire to make that dream become a reality. She needed to slow down, to step back, to realize that her overactive imagination had run away with her. She had always been impulsive, unlike Robert who always seemed to have himself and everyone else under perfect control.  
  
**  
  
Robert waited a few minutes before pressing the call button and then a few more before a nurse appeared. It was Shirley, who should not have been on service but had been bullied by the other duty nurses to respond to Romano's signal. She came into his room and asked hesitantly, « Dr Romano ? What do you need ? » He sighed slightly, unable to quip back some smart remark. « Something to help me sleep, Shirley, » he answered. She seemed stunned at the simplicity of the request. He hadn't even ordered a specific brand or dose, just letting her take charge, something he had never done. « Sure, » she reassured him, « I'll be right back. »  
  
As she administered the mild sedative into the IV, Shirley glanced at the dressing on his shoulder. She remembered when Dr Corday had ordered it, right after Romano had mumbled « I love you, Elizabeth. » Jacy had snickered but Shirley had pretended not to hear him.  
  
Corday should really be here, thought Shirley. Even if he's an ass when he's awake, he needs her and she knows it. The drugs had just allowed him to say what he'd so obviously felt for a long time. Shirley watched the tense muscles in his face relax as he heard her remove the syringe from the IV bag. « Thanks, » he whispered without even opening his eyes. 


End file.
